


Behind the horizon

by cas_desespere



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-04-04 09:37:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4132642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cas_desespere/pseuds/cas_desespere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is kind of an epilogue to my story 'The hunter and his prey' Jensen comes back to Key Largo and vistis 'The Tallon' more then ten years after he was there the first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind the horizon

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Not mine, no money made.
> 
>  
> 
> Another repost. Betaed by realscape.

Jensen sat in the Impala and stared over at the entrance of the Tallon. It was an eternity since he had been here the last time, but the place had called for him and being in Florida again after years didn’t help. He had just come down here for a conference, some pretentious meeting from the Bureau for the exchange of experiences and prancing around with the results from the different departments. He hadn’t wanted to go, but Sterling had made him. He was the lead profiler from the Seattle Department and had to represent them. 

And now he was here, trying to make his own profile without success for years now, looking at his past and not knowing when it would finally end; more than ten years after he had been her for the first time.

They had made it a good deal far after the first break seven years ago; he and Jared. Jensen once again had needed a long time to realize their history didn’t let them settle down. The control issues had been solved after a while. Jared had let him in again, had trusted him, but Jensen had nevertheless felt a hitch in all of it. 

While his lover still had been adverse to the idea to get professional help, Jensen had searched for it in the end. He had been the one to go to a shrink, without Jared knowing. The niggling feeling in his chest, something wasn’t right had increased with time and he hadn’t known any other way out. 

Jared had screamed at him, when he had confronted him with the results Dr. Samantha Smith came to.

He had argued and deflected it, tried to convince Jensen otherwise, but Jensen had known with terrible certainty it was true. Jared was dependant again, even if it was in completely other ways than with JD. Jared had subconsciously built his life around Jensen; from the beginning. It was a classical case, kind of a helper’s syndrome. 

Jensen had become Jared’s rock from the moment they met. He relied on him. That was what it made so easy for him to concede to Jensen when he had followed him to Vancouver seven years ago. It had been necessary to bring Jensen back to Key Largo. He had needed Jensen way more then Jensen ever realized. Jensen had been his safe harbor; his only way to feel safe. It was no basis for a relationship, no matter how much it had helped Jared to build a life. He needed to exist for himself; not for Jensen. 

But Jared had been the last person to see this. He hadn’t wanted to and Jensen’s only way to make him realize it hat been leaving.

There had never been something as terrible then as leaving the one person in the world he loved more then his life, but Dr. Smith had told him he had to, or the insidious dependence Jared had to him would destroy them both. She had told Jensen he could come back one day, when Jared had his life under his own control, but the words Jared had screamed at him when he left, had told him otherwise. 

I hate you. God I hate you so much. I never want to see you face again, ever. You take away everything I ever had…I hate you so much. Jensen had felt like crying and right then he knew his heart had broken.

It had told Jensen two things; Dr. Smith was right, Jared once again depended on someone else; and that it was over for good this time. There was no way back. 

He had driven three and a half thousand miles in three days then, just surviving on coffee and cigarettes until he had broken down in front of Chris’ apartment there. It had taken a lot of time for him to recover from this last break up, because he still loved Jared more then his life, but, but Jared had to make a life of his own, without dependence of any kind. It was for Jared’s sake and that thought alone was enough, to keep him away

He had heard over the grapevine called Went that Jared had made the same mistakes all over again; found himself an older man, let him be overpowered again. This had been the point when Jensen had asked Wentworth to stop. They still had a lot of contact, but they never again breached the topic of Jared. 

Jensen lived, even when it just was the half of a life. 

 

And now he was here, in front of the Tallon, just because he had needed to come to Florida and was weak enough to follow the call from the past. He knew from Went that Mike still owned the bar. His friendship with the dynamic duo had ended with his relationship with Jared. Tommy had clearly not forgiven him for leaving Jared. Mike had tried, but after the third stilted phone call Jensen had pleaded him to let it go and stay to his man. He didn’t want to bring a strain over these two. They were so much what he had wanted all his life that he couldn’t bear the thought of stressing their relationship. 

He still couldn’t decide if he should go in or not. It was in the middle of the week, so there wasn’t too much going on. Tommy probably would be at the hospital, at last that was what he hoped for, but even then he wasn’t sure about his decision. Just a little look, Jen, okay. If anyone is in there you know except Mike and Went, you’ll turn around, get in your car and drive home. 

He drove the car around another corner and parked it in a small alley. No one needed to know he had been here and his Impala had been kind of an business card in the past, even if it was five years now. Jensen felt his hands sweat, when he walked over the street and neared the entrance. 

He was just here to see an old friend; and he would be gone in the morning; back home to Seattle, where he belonged now. 

~*~

The Tallon hadn’t changed in the slightest. Its slightly shady appearance had always been a part of its charm. Jensen couldn’t help but grin. It was quite, as he had suspected, but the two people who would welcome him were there. This was all that mattered. 

He slowly went over, just to have Mike literally jumping over the bar and tackle him in a hug that nearly broke his ribs. 

“JENNY, Went told me you are down here; I would never have forgiven you if you hadn’t come. God. It’s so good to see you again.” 

“Hi Mike.” Mike loosened his grip enough to look him in the face.

“You old dog. You age with grace. Damn, I can’t believe you are here. I never expected to see you again. I had a running bet with Went you wouldn’t come, even while I always hoped. Come one, let’s get you settled. How about some Tequila to celebrate the occasion?“ Mike dragged him over to the bar and shoved him on the barstool next to Wentworth.

“Hi, Jen didn’t expect to see you so soon again.” He winked. They had met at the conference. Jensen grinned as Mike busied himself behind the bar.

“Couldn’t help it. But I take it. You had Mikey updated the last years, did you?”

“Sure he has.” Mike said when setting down the shot glasses. “I know you felt bad about me and Tommy. But that didn’t mean I would give up on you, even when it was just over the grapevine. Heard you made it big up in Seattle again.” Jensen blushed.

“Let’s say, I did better then the first time.” Went snorted.

“That’s a little understated, my friend. Don’t let him blind you, Mike. You still sit in front of one of the best profilers the Bureau has.” 

“I never doubted that. I always knew he had a good hand in the psychological department.” Mike stated. Jensen put on the brakes. This was nearing topics he wouldn’t discuss ever again. 

“How’re you doing, Mike? How’s the squishy Tommy-toy doing? Business is good?” Mike grinned broadly at him. 

“Couldn’t be any better. Still the best gay bar in town, even if there are more now. I’m doing fine. Tommy feels the nightshifts getting to him, but he still manages. He should be here later.” Seeing Jensen’s face darken he assured. “It’s alright. You don’t need to fear physical harm. He made his peace. For my sake. You were my friend, you are my friend and you will stay my friend. No matter what.” 

Jensen’s smile returned. “Thanks. I think that means you can call me again.”

“It’s a shame it needed me to say this to your face five years later, to come to this conclusion. Cheers, man.”

“Cheers.” Jensen and Went answered in synch before they knocked back their shot. 

“Don’t think you can make me drunk.” Jensen joked and Mike glared at him. 

“You mean you won’t try again to drink fast enough to pass out?” At this Jensen had to laugh.

“No, I will stop in time. I for sure don’t want another hangover from hell.” It sobered him up and he knew it had been a fault to come here. Some things never changed and sometime, when he had a hangover from hell he still felt Jared sit on the bed next to him; looking out for him. Stop it, Jenny. Enjoy some hours of drinking with friends. Don’t spoil it with memories. 

“You became even better in hiding, Jenny.” A rueful smile appeared on Jensen’s lips.

“I know.”

“Went, have an eye on him. I have to do some work and don’t want him to get drunk. Who knows, when I’ll the next chance to talk to him.”

“Sure thing, Mikey.” They found another round of Tequila in front of them, before Mike bounced over to some other guests. “Want me to be honest? I wouldn’t have expected you to come.”

“Didn’t expect it myself. But who knows if I’ll ever come down here again.” Jensen answered honestly. He and Went had become good friends over the years; always looking for each other now and then, over the phone, over IM, even sometimes meeting at some occasion. 

“You should probably consider taking a plane now and then.” Jensen laughed out loud and Mike threw them an askew glance, cell in his hand.

“Just over my dead body. Didn’t you realize this by now?” Jensen was still psychotic about flying. The fact his whole family died in a plane crash when he was eight did such things to a person. Jensen never had understood, why he had been spared, by a fucking appendectomy, which made him stay behind with his aunt, when his family was flying to Texas for the wedding of his mother’s youngest sister. 

“Where is the rust bucket?”

“Why does everybody need to insult my car?”

“Jen, this car has half a century on his back now. It’s a security risk.”

“It’s in best condition. I make sure of this. I will never leave it behind. It’s a classic.” 

“So the Impala is still in duty.” Mike reappeared in front of them and filled their glasses up again. Jensen started thinking about hotels in walking range, when he knocked another shot back. 

“There you can bet on.” They bantered back and forth from then on, Jensen more at ease then in a long time. 

~*~

“This place taken?” Jensen looked up in absolute horror. Jared’s voice was shaky and feeble, but he would recognize it in any condition, even after all this time. His next glare went in Mike’s direction, which was suddenly very busy at the other end of the bar. Went mysteriously had disappeared there too. 

“What are you doing here?” Jensen had to clear his throat, his voice swiftly shot to hell. Jared took the empty barstool next to his and Jensen assessed his appearance. He hadn’t changed a lot; the hair a little longer, the clothes looking as if he had them thrown on in haste, bare feet in flip-flops.

“Mike sent me a message and I came over before I could chicken out again.” Jared didn’t look at him and; oddly, Jensen didn’t want him to. He just wanted to leave, the yearning in his chest already unbearable. 

“I should have known it was a fault to come here.” He fingered for his wallet, swiftly deciding he didn’t want anything from the people in here anymore. All he had in mind was to get out. He was about to threw a twenty on the bar, when Jared’s hand on his wrist stopped him. Jensen pulled it away as if burned. God damn, why had I to come here? I should have known. I God damn should have known. 

“Jensen, please.” Jared’s voice was quiet now, desperate. 

“You are the last person I want to see right now.” Why did it still have to hurt so much? Why couldn’t he just let go of the past?

“I know. And you have every right to be angry at me, but Jen…there…there are things I have to rectify…and you being here…told me I have a chance to. Please hear me out.” Jared looked desperate and hopeful at the same time, so much the Jared Jensen remembered and Jensen knew right then he couldn’t deny Jared plea.

~*~

Jared had jumped into the next set of reachable clothes the moment he had read Mike’s message. ‘Jensen is here’ was all it had said, but he had known, what it meant. Mike was at the Tallon, so Jensen was at the Tallon. There hadn’t been a fraction of hesitation. He had chickened out from this for years now. This was his one and only chance.

And then he had stood in the shadows by the entrance and just stared at him, joking and bantering with Mike and Went. He had known for years Jensen was in contact with Went, but never asked him for anything. About Mike he hadn’t been sure until Tommy told him Jensen had asked him to stop calling for the sake of their friendship, not long after he left. Mike had done this even when it hadn’t been an issue anymore at this time. 

Jared knew he had hated Jensen, when he left him. He had hated him for taking away his life just because of the opinion of a fucking shrink. He had hated him so much; he had tried to erase every reminder of him, even himself. 

The end had been predictable, that much he knew today. He had found another man shortly after. He had fallen back in a role he had hated as long as he had been with Jensen, but Jensen had left him and Jared did everything in his power to wipe him from his life. 

After the first hit he had left his own house and gone to Tommy and Mike’s. The next morning he had called Dr. Samantha Smith, the psychologist Jensen had gone too, for an appointment. Jared had known it was way too late to patch up the shards his life had fallen apart to, but he owed it Jensen. It was the last thing he could do; heal, even when there was no way back anymore. 

And he had done it. It had taken three years for him to come clean with everything, even with Jensen leaving him. Samantha had listened to his bitching, his screaming and his crying until the bitter end; and she had showed him what it meant. He had built his own life; he had saved his career and made peace with his past. At the end they both had known there was just one unsolved problem. She had tried everything to make him go to Seattle; had wanted him to make peace with Jensen, even assured him they could have a future now, but it was something Jared wasn’t able to do.

He even had told Samantha why; he was convinced he didn’t deserve another chance with Jensen after the way he had treated him when he left and all the sacrifices he had made for him. She had tried to tell him this didn’t matter anymore, because the motivation for Jensen leaving had been dealt with. Jared had made it through his issues, had found his weaknesses and understood Jensen’s reasoning, but Jared was too cowardly. He still sometimes saw Jensen’s face the day he left in his dreams. These were the nightmares that would never go away anymore. 

 

“Jared, it is way too late for this. This ended a long time ago und you made clear there is no way back…Just let it go.” Jared looked up at him. Jensen was calm again, but he could tell it was a mask. 

I love you so much it hurts. “Jensen, please. It’s the last I’ll ever ask from you. You don’t need to tell me that I fucked up big time when you left. And you know as much as I do, that it didn’t end then. Give me a chance to finish it. Please.” 

The words cut into Jensen’s heart like a knife. It was like the last straw to his heart, but he knew he had to give this to Jared; the chance to find closure, even when he died inside while doing so. Probably he was able to live again after too and so he sat on his barstool and waved Mike over for some more Tequila. He couldn’t die sober. “Thanks.” was heard from Jared, but he didn’t look at him. 

Jared waited until Mike was gone and felt terrible, when Jensen made him leave the bottle on the bar. He could see the hurt barely concealed in Jensen’s eyes and knew why he kept trying to avoid this talk, because he knew how much he had hurt the man he loved, but Jensen was here; in Florida, at the Tallon. It was like a sign from fate. He stared at his glass, when he started talking. 

“You know, I hated you that day, when you left. You took everything away from me that ever mattered. I hated you so much, all I wanted was to erase you from my life, never see you again, never remember you. I needed an eternity to realize that just this had happened that day. When you left, everything I was fell apart. I was nothing; I had nothing… all this time I just had existed through you. 

“I know today that was it what Samantha made you realize. She couldn’t tell me, but I realized it on my own, the more I saw that I had no life. JD had taken all this away and while I know you tried to give it back to me, I know now too it didn’t work out.”

 

This was the moment Jensen really realized Jared had gone to therapy in the end. He couldn’t have been more surprised. It was the last thing he would have expected. They had argued so much about this and nothing had been enough to change Jared’s mind; not even him leaving.

Jared continued quietly. “Jensen, I know now why you left me. Why you had to. Honestly, I never wanted to know. I wanted to hate you, to blame you, to take at least the responsibility for my failures, but when I got the first hit to the head again, I knew I was wrong.” 

Jensen had to will himself quiet at this. He wanted to ball his fists, wanted to hit something. He had known this could happen; Samantha had warned him, and he knew it had happened; this had been the moment he had stopped listening, because he hadn’t been able to change anything. He had been in too deep; he couldn’t be another pillar Jared placed his dependence on; never again no matter how well meaning he was. 

He forced himself to be indifferent, while Jared continued talking. “I think I needed this last straw, even if I still hate what the truth did to me. Samantha needed lots of patience to make me realize it, because I didn’t want to take the responsibility for my life. It meant…” Jared bowed his head even deeper, but he didn’t need to worry, Jensen stared in his empty shot glass. He knew what was coming. 

“It meant I was wrong… It meant I had to stop running. I had to stop hating you, because you were right. You were right to leave, you needed to leave…to force me to find a reason to life for myself. To accept myself. To overcome my past. It’s about self esteem issues and all that shit I think you knew for years now, way better then me…You never told me the truth about your psychology degree, you know.” Jensen blushed and watched when Jared finally knocked back his Tequila shot. 

“I…” he started to defend himself, but Jared interrupted him. 

“I know. I always knew you were the stronger one of us and now I know why you did what you did. All you ever wanted was for me to heal, even if you had to hurt me in the progress. To be honest, there is really just one thing that I want you to know.” 

Jensen wasn’t sure what Jared wanted to say. He knew it would be final. It would be forever this time, but he had agreed to this; for Jared’s sake. Damn, when will I start thinking of myself first? When will I finally let go? Hopefully it would help him too; help him to close this file.

“Jensen.” He forced himself to look at him. Jared had tears on his cheeks. Jensen hadn’t expected anything else. He just was this way. “I want you to know, I can live without you. I built my own life no matter how hard it was, I can live without you…” Jared’s voice broke, while Jensen’s heart did the same, but Jared didn’t stop talking. He continued. 

“…but I don’t want to. I don’t want to anymore. I wasted already so much time. But I was too ashamed over what I did to you; to us, for everything that happened after.” He cried freely now and didn’t move.

Jensen was literally dumbstruck at this sudden change and barely managed to utter his name.

“Jared…” The ground dropped out from under him, he was so shocked. 

 

Jared completely misunderstood him. “Jen, I know what I did to you. I really do. There is nothing in my life that I regret so much, except probably that I didn’t listen to you when you again and again suggested to take professional help. I’m so sorry for what I said then. Even then it hurt me just to look at you, because I could see you break apart in front of me, but I couldn’t stop screaming. I just wanted to stop you…you left me, you took everything away that ever mattered to me and I could see, what it did to you, but you still left…”

Jared slipped from the barstool to run. He couldn’t do this. Samantha had been wrong. It was impossible. There was no way back. It was way too late. He just wanted to run away and hide, but then hands stopped him, turned him and he couldn’t help but look up. Jensen looked at him seriously. He brought him closer again, crowded him back between himself and the barstool; gentle fingers wiping the tears from his cheeks. 

“I’m sorry…” Jared heard and already felt his life break apart for the third time with Jensen and he was sure it showed on his face, but then Jensen smiled this wonderful smile of his; that one Jared never forgot. “I can’t stop loving you. I never could. And I don’t want to live without you either. I just always thought there was no way back, no matter what Samantha had said.” It felt like an eternity when he stared at Jensen. It was an eternity until he processed what he had said. He had been already doing damage control, but then it sunk in:Jensen still loved him; and probably always had.

Jared was overwhelmed, couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Never n his live he had expected to have another chance, and all that was left to say was the truth.

“I love you so much. I don’t know how I even deserve you.” Jared breathed and then he pulled Jensen in his arms and felt the hug returned, before he literally clung to him. They just held each other, relishing the feel of the other. There was no need for urgency anymore. 

“I’m sorry, I’m a coward. Samantha told me, that I had to decide when I’m ready. That I’m the one who had to make the first move, but I just couldn’t; knowing how badly I had hurt you.” He nuzzled his face in Jensen’s shoulder and felt for a moment back in time, he declined that thought instantly. They couldn’t go back in time. Thank God.

“It’s over, Jay. You did it. That’s all that matters now.” Jensen would never have expected this outcome. He had prepared for hell and found himself in heaven. He knew they had for sure still a rocky road ahead, but they had made the first step in the right direction. 

He felt Jared straighten up and looked at him, saw what was going through his head, even after all these years. It just confirmed what he knew for a while now; Jared had been the love of his live; and he would stay it forever. The one perfect match. He didn’t hesitate when he slipped his hand into Jared’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. It didn’t matter how much time had gone by. They had still the flow that had been naturally between them from the beginning and Jensen was tempted, to let himself fall in the feeling. After all it was what he had wanted for half a decade now. 

He was almost there, when a familiar voice ripped through the bliss.

“Jared, you are aware that the police are towing your car? OH MY GOD…” Tom had come through the front entrance. For a moment he looked shocked. Then he started literally glowing. “Finally…it’s about time you made it here, Ackles.” And with several long strides he was in front of them and pulled them both in his arms. “You stupid pair of idiots!”

The hard slap from shot glasses on the bar ripped them from their little bubble. Mike made a dark face. 

“So…now that we have cleaned the air… can we now get wasted?” 

~*~

Three days later, Jensen was about to board a plane at Miami airport. He hadn’t gone home with Jared this night. He had even told him he had to drive back up to Seattle that day, when he wanted to be in time for the end of his free period. But then he had sat in the car and not known what to do. 

He knew Jared was a little disappointed, but they had quickly agreed they needed to go slow. Jared had conceded fast; desperate to prove he meant what he said the night before, but he had continued with the remark he wasn’t scared of flying; what had told Jensen in clear terms that he would come to Seattle as soon as possible, now that he was sure he was welcome. 

They had walked to the nearest hotel and Jensen had taken a room there, while Jared took a cab home and in the morning, when he walked back to his car he realized he couldn’t leave; not like this, consequences be damned. 

And so he had stood with the Impala at the front gate of Jared’s school, still the St. Justin Marine academy, late afternoon. Mike had told him grinning broadly when he normally finished. The smile that had been on Jared’s face when he realized he was still there was worth anything. Jensen had been genuinely shocked when a crimson red Jared had to confess he was back at the apartment in Mike’s building, the reasons written in color on his face. The idea of ‘slow’ had gone out the window shortly after. 

And now he sat here; at a fucking airport and was about to board a plane for the first time of his adult life, because otherwise he had no chance to be back in time for work tomorrow. 

Jared had wanted to bring him here, but the flight was too early. He was at work, driving Jensen’s beloved Impala because it had given them a little more time in the morning. Jared’s own car was still at the police station and Jensen had a feeling it would stay there for a while.

He wished desperately for a cigarette, although he had stopped this habit three years ago now. Slowly the whole thing was getting to him. Thinking was overrated. He didn’t want to think, but he couldn’t stop. The thought of flying made him jumpy, the fact that there were still some weeks left till the summer vacations and neither of them knew how much time would be to see each other, made him sad and the fact that he had to leave his car made him pissed. 

Jensen huffed and fumbled his phone from a pocket. The phone almost slipped from his fingers, they were so sweaty. Time to stop thinking. Resolutely he called Chris. His friend had to pick him up at the airport in Seattle.

“Hey, agent Ackles! Where are you? I hope that rust bucket of yours didn’t leave you in the middle of nowhere and you don’t want me to pick you up.” Jensen grinned, his hands sweaty and his nerves drawn out from the prospect of flying. It felt good to hear a familiar voice. 

“Hi, Chris, sorry, but I want you to pick me up.” Chris started cursing but Jensen interrupted him efficiently. “…at the airport in Seattle. My flight is scheduled to land at 5.45 pm.” The silence on the other end stretched infinitely; so long Jensen feared he had lost connection. “Chris?”

“So you got him back?” Jensen couldn’t even suspect his friend had tears in his eyes, while he himself blushed.

“It’s time to leave the past behind, isn’t it?” Jensen said quietly, all nervousness suddenly gone. 

“That it is. I’ll be there, Jen.”

 

End – final this time.


End file.
